To ‘Scream’ or ‘Whistle’? Confessions of a Top-40 Junkie

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Ugh, I can’t stand that song. *skip* The lyrics are ego-centric, the topic is unoriginal, and the singer is unconvincing in his claim to sexual prowess. I so do NOT want to do what he’s singing about. And I would not get down with that guy, no matter how famous he is.

Freakin’ Usher, man. Sorry, bro, but I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t ‘Scream,’ not even “this time.” Not with that rhythm anyway.

“I’ll get you like *unh* babybaby *UNH* *UNH* babybaby.”

Mmm…sexy….. –.– *yawns*

Ooo ooo ooo, but now Flo Rida’s on. Now this one is fun. Playful, process-oriented, suggestive rather than demanding, participatory with a gentle focus, engages the imagination… a great time all-around. But ya know, no matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to mimic that melody exactly, to get it just right. Don’t worry tho, Flo, I’ll keep practicing.

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So yeeea, I have a confession to make: I’m obsessed with pop music. Not just in clubs, not just during the pre-game clothes-and-makeup show. All the time. In my car, at my house, at work. ‘Call Me Maybe‘? Umm, yesplease. ‘Some Nights‘, ‘Payphone‘, ‘Titanium‘…check, check, check. I have to compulsively check my Spotify settings to make sure it’s always on Private Session, because my honest track list is just that embarrassing.

Hi, my name is Smurphy, and I’m a Top-40 junkie.

You may be sitting there, asking “why, Smurphy, why???” Good question. Why would someone who earned a B.A. in Music, with years of training in Western and global classical art music, be obsessed with Cher Lloyd’s ‘Want U Back‘? Seriously, whatthefuckisupwiththat?

Honestly, I’m not sure. I’ve asked myself that question so many times, beating myself up in college for being drawn to pop music before Mahler and Mozart, and trying to hide the fact that I know no trendy indie bands or underground hip-hop artists. I don’t even keep up with trance/club music, or some other ‘cool-to-be-uncool’ subculture. It’s all about the pop for me, baby, and I’ve decided to embrace it. I’m coming out of the closet, and you can judge me all you want; my jams are here to stay.

Because that’s what music’s about anyway. I don’t care what bands you listen to, or if you think ‘your music’ is better than ‘their music’. Music is about having fun, it’s about what gets you moving, in your way, on your dance floor, or in your car when nobody’s looking. It’s about connecting to something outside of yourself that excites something inexpressible. And I don’t care what you say, you’ve all rocked out to pop music and liked it.

There’s so many hidden secrets embedded in popular culture: clues into the sources of our social discomfort, about how we view wealth and happiness, about our mixed-message ideals for sex and relationships. Haven’t you ever wondered what these stories we hear, recycled over and over again in different songs from different artists, do to our social expectations?

That’s where I come in. I’ll do the dirty work for you, diving into all those junky pop hooks (yesssssss) to bring back the good stuff. At least it’ll be good for a laugh, even if you could care less about why Drake is lame, Britney is better than Demi, or why Nicki Minaj is awesome even if you hate her. For now, listen to Scream and Whistle again (or for the first time). Can’t you hear the fundamental ideological difference between them? I mean, Flo Rida’s lyrics are obviously more women-friendly than Usher’s, right?

Hmm. I guess that’s the first one then.

These are my confessions, and they’re bound to get pretty saucy.

Images from Wikipedia.org, Popdust.com.
Videos from YouTube.com and Dailymotion.com.

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